My Bucket List, #89

As graduation creeps up at a rather fast pace, a tad faster than I'd prefer, the number of time consuming tasks seem to pile up just as quickly, which has me not only neglecting sleep, but blogging as well. I admit I have the time, I just need to figure out a better method to find time. So, here I am at approximately 2:52 AM feeling a bit more inspired than I should at this time of night. But for those who know me, my peak hours tend to fall anywhere between midnight and 4 AM. But that's all beside the point I decided to sit down and write tonight.

My Bucket List, #89: Write my feelings down in a blog. 

Considering the procrastinator I am and the slow rate at which items are getting crossed off of my bucket list, I recently decided to adopt the phrase, "If not now, when?" 

Logically, items such as #30: Go to Bora Bora, or #67: Complete my bucket list, or even #7: Be able to confidently walk in high heels, are all things that will come only with time, but for the items I have full control over, what am I waiting for? Til I'm old and achey, rereading my bucket list, wishing I had done all the things I wanted to? Not this girl.

#89:

When I discovered blogging, I sort of became fascinated with it. I've always felt there's an unexplainable level of vulnerability when blogging for the public to see, regardless of the topic. There's no formal structure, censorship, guidelines, or rules, just the writer and their thoughts hitting the keyboard. Though Lace and Leopard has flipped and flopped from platform to platform over the years and my post frequency has remained inconsistent, I started this blog to not only share my opinions and taste in fashion, but also to document all the little things in my life solely for me to have to look back at. But I almost found a thrill in allowing my posts to be publicly shared. Maybe no one would read it. Maybe my friends would read it and hate it. Maybe strangers would read it and love it. 

At this point in my life, 21 years young and less than 4 months left before I graduate college with a Bachelor's degree, I have never felt so scared and so terrified. Before I even left middle school, I knew where I was going to college and thought I knew what career I'd follow and be doing for the rest of my life. Yet here I sit absolutely dumbfounded. It would be easier if I was okay with living off a trust fund set aside for me (that is, if I even had one) or mooching off my parents' money forever (though I'm positive they surely can't wait until the day the cut me off haha), but I want to be successful, make my own money, live off my own hard earned income, and achieve my own great successes. And what I've gradually been realizing over the past few months is that my fear of being a failure is what leaves me being so indecisive. But I've really been putting my heart and soul into trying to overcome my fears. I just think back to all the times I set aside fear, even the smallest of situations, and those moments became some of the absolute best moments of my life.

If there's one thing I tell myself and can tell anyone else that feels stuck between fear and the future - fate loves the fearless